If I knew then what I know now

September sees the fresh faced arrivals at many drama schools and colleges throughout the UK and means that the streets of Covent Garden are adorned with the latest intake of students at the Royal Ballet school. None of which is a bad thing of course.

What is worth pointing out to the same drama students though is that although the quality of teaching that they may have might well vary a little from institution to institution, they industry may well regard those venues (and their teaching) as vastly different. As I'm sure you've all been told before, Life isn't fair. Deal with it.

I was sitting and thinking about what I wish I knew when I started my training at City Lit? What would have made my life, not easier per se, more perhaps productive? What traps I could potentially avoid I guess.

The short answer is that I wish I realised that I had one mouth, two ears, and sometimes only half a brain. I admit that I was one of those students who needed to understand the reason behind the exercise that the teacher was putting us through. If, as often was the case, I didn't grasp the point of the exercise then I would spend a huge amount of energy trying to fathom it out rather than just getting on with it and seeing what followed.

My end of term reports often intimated that I was being too analytical and too cerebral and that I needed to not fear the visceral response sometimes. What crystallised the lesson for me was when a teacher, the immensely talented and hugely patient Jonathan Dawes, took me to one side and said "Imagine you're standing on a kerb or a wall. Balance right on the edge of it. Allow yourself to fall and deliver your lines in that moment of uncertainty and freedom." To this day I often find myself taking a character I've got trouble finding and, using bits of dialogue, I go and balance on the steps by the Renoir cinema and I play. Just play. With the words, the meaning, the timing. In that play I find a huge release of my own expectations and preconceived ideas about the character. As I topple forward, or backward if standing that way, off the kerb my instinct kicks in and my focus is not on me, or the character. I cease to exist. My attention is on the fall. The journey if you like. And in those moments the first glimpses of a character can sometimes be seen.

It's worth saying that Drama School, any Drama School, will be the most supportive, inclusive, welcoming, safe space for you to learn your craft in. So don't get caught up in petty squabbles between students and especially not between students and staff! You may or may not wish to include 'Romances' in the category of 'Petty Squabbles'.

Having seen relationships blossom and die between students in the same acting class I would suggest that although a dalliance might well be fun, be aware that if the relationship sours you may well have two and a half years of having to sit in the same room with, and reveal the deepest darkest secrets of your soul to, someone who you previously adored but now wouldn't pee on if they were on fire. Needless to say this added frisson can bring a useful element to some examples of scene work but may well interfere with others.
Let's not forget that the relationship may well have an impact on others in your class too. It may be that you and your partner want to work almost exclusively with each other on scenes too. But that would limit the learning that you both have ultimately.

We learn by being exposed to other actors. If we repeatedly, and misguidedly, seek to work with only someone we love, or even just 'fancy' in some cases, then we are limiting our own experiences. It is an actors  job to seek out new experiences and to challenge ourselves by, perhaps, working with the people we feel least inclined to work with. After all once you've left the safe environs of the drama school you will inevitably be faced with the situation one day of turning up to the first day of auditions and finding someone standing there you really would rather wasn't. If you don't have that experience of working with all sorts whilst at college you may find that you are thrown when the cast doesn't all gel perhaps. Even if they don't, and sometimes even with the best will of all concerned they just don't, you still have a show to perform so you have to behave professionally and in a civil manner. At least until the final curtain falls on the run.

To sum up this post, drama training should be fun. A play is called a 'Play' for a reason after all, so play. Play with character, with emotion, I would say play with yourself but I fear that may be misconstrued.

Be aware though that the start of training is precisely that. I loved my time at City Lit and I learnt loads. I also now know that I've learnt infinitely more about the business since graduating than I did in my time there.

Most drama schools seem to skirt around the 'Business' side of the business so I want to say a few words about that but I think that'll have to come in the next post.

Gratitude

When I graduated last summer from City Lit I set myself some goals and targets and made some promises to myself about how my acting would progress in the short term.

I said that I would, within one year, have acted in straight drama and a musical on stage, done some student films, short films and at least one feature and that I would have an agent who I respected and who understood me and where I was coming from and also how to market me.

I also said that I would have weekly acting lessons, join a yoga class, run at least 4 miles a day and get myself a decent singing tutor too. Well I've done yoga twice in the last year, run a total of 17.3 miles as of yesterday and had some fantastic lessons with Kate Hughes at the Ian Adam Singing Studio. As for the rest, well as much as I would have loved to have had weekly acting classes it's time for that old excuse of Poverty to come to the fore and claim another victim.

As for credits earned though, I've done stage musicals and straight drama, even on tour in Hungary. And I've amassed a number of film credits, student, short, and two feature films with a third and forth to follow hopefully within the next six months. And yet I feel that I'm not working hard enough, that I'm not achieving what it is I want, or need, to achieve. All this is with a great agent who I genuinely like and respect too.

I suppose the biggest issue for me in this my first year out in the world, is how to stay motivated. I had thought that I would, from 10 - 4 every day be going over audition speeches, doing voice exercises, stretching, reading plays, writing letters to casting directors and generally promoting myself but instead of those lofty ideals I find myself more often than not, wishing I was back at class with the people I grew to know well and to love and to trust. Those people who you share laughter and tears with. The same ones who lift you up and inspire you and also at times infuriate the Hell out of you and make you want to punch someone.

The support structure that you have in a class setting where you spend hours with the same people week in week out is something that I think a lot of people miss when it's not there. I know I do. Of course you get something similar to that in a rehearsal room or on set but it's not the same and let's not kid ourselves that it is. I don't think it's that everyone's out for themselves on set, in fact I know that's not the case, but it's not possible to walk onto a set and immediately forge an emotional connection as deep and as meaningful as it would be with someone who has seen you weep as you reveal how painful experiences in your life have been, how raw some things still are after years, decades even.

I suppose, as much as I love the guys I've been lucky to work with this year from those in Follies who persuaded me I could in fact sing, to those involved with the Overcoat, especially the director, who pushed me to new levels of emotional truth and to all those who've given me the chance to learn and to grow in front of a camera, especially Survivor Films for seeing in me the capacity to play a lead role and for giving me the space to truly play that role. In front of the camera. Discovering things about myself and my character. I miss those I trained with. I miss the frustration and the camaraderie. I miss the annoying little habits and I miss the annoying big ones too!

I don't want to dwell on the past however, that's not my intention here. Far from it in fact. What I wanted to do was to say a big Thank You. A heartfelt, gratitude laden, genuine Thank You to the people I trained with. All of them. Including you Patrick! Collectively you pushed me. You gave me a safe space to start to explore Me and I don't think I ever said how grateful I was until now.

So thank you one and all. Thank you all of you teachers who've confused and frustrated me and pushed me to be who I am today. Thank you to the students I shared the ride with. Thank you to the people who've cast me in productions this last year and thank you to my friends and family for their unceasing support. I am grateful to you all. More than you can ever know.