Should I stay or should I go?

Hunting around for a topic to write about is sometimes easy and sometimes not. A bit like Life really. Especially when that life belongs to an actor.

So, being a generous soul, and not being able to think of something to write myself, I donned the cloak of generousity and asked the Twittersphere what topic(s) they would like me to write about on here.

After strenuously examining the vast number of reply I had (thanks Rhonda! Glad to know someone reads this!) I thought I would deal with the most popular topic that cropped up. Once.

The single reply to my offer read as follows:

How about a piece dealing with Office Politics during a project? Possibly emphasizing (she's American so she's allowed to spell like that) how to handle your work when the project is a kind of disaster and everybody is grumbling and complaining.

When do you leave?

How do you make that decision?

Why should you stay?

OK, how do you deal with office politics in a production, which doesn't have an "office" but a rehearsal room which can be fraught and tense, and exhausting. And then shifts to a stage which can be a whole myriad of things all at once?

When all about you moan and whinge what do you do? What do I do?

I'm always honest here and I've no reason to change that. Also I only ever write about my own experiences as that it what I have to draw on in my life and it's that life that, at times, has meant I've had to deal with awkward decisions. But as to how you deal with office politics in a production there is one rule. And for me it's an absolute. And that rule is don't get drawn in to petty political squabbles in a production.

It's fine to offer an opinion when it's requested by the director, or even when another actor asks for help but avoid at all costs getting into the You're Right/Wrong type of arguments where you have to take sides. Be diplomatic.

Says I. Who in one of the first productions I was found myself in a nonsense of a production. A director without a clear vision. Without the ability to explain to the cast and crew the essence of his vision without saying "It's all in my head. I'll know when it's right".

This same director regularly would turn up late, sometimes by as much as 3 hours or more, to a 6 hour rehearsal. And then he would explode at the cast and crew for not being "on it" immediately when he arrived. He would undercut the choreographer at every opportunity, mainly by listening to what they said, watching what they'd got us doing and then saying "that's not right. It needs to be like this...." and proceeding to rechoreograph entire routines. He would, and did, arrive in the wings two minutes before curtain up and hand a cast member a prop whilst saying helpfully "this will help your character be real" before they walked on to a stage to do a song and dance routine. Now carrying a brand new, unrehearsed, unrequired, unwarranted prop.

But that was the actual production.

Back in rehearsal cast were regularly kept waiting, as I said for hours on end, by the director who would then break every 20 mins for a smoke and a coffee and wouldn't allow us more than 15 minutes for lunch.

One cast member, a good friend of mine, left and the following day (8 days before opening night) the director arrived, about 2 hours late, and I should add the director had the only key to the rehearsal space, and gathered everyone together to publically attack the now absent cast member. Who, it must be pointed out, had left because he couldn't cope with the utter disregard the director had for the company.

I had spoken to a teacher of mine about the situation and she gave me sage advice which I still go back to today. I said to her that I was tempted to walk. She said if you've signed a contract, or even if you haven't you never walk. Be utterly businesslike and professional but never walk. Her advice dealing with the tardy director was as follows....

1. Explain why you are not happy. Clearly.
2. Set out some rules of conduct for the director.
3. And for the cast.
4. State the outcome if the director breaks the rules.
5. Be prepared to carry them out.

In this circumstance, the discontent was because the cast were regularly hanging around outside the rehearsal room for a minimum of 20 mins and a max of perhaps 150 minutes. We had no warm up time. No structured lunch breaks. No structured end times.

To deal with this it was suggested that the rehearsal rooms were open 30-45 mins before our rehearsal call times, thus allowing people to warm up ready to go for the start of the rehearsal.

Also that the director had to be there by the call time for the rehearsal. If he wasn't, I said I would wait twenty minutes and then go home as I could work better there by myself than waste time waiting for him to arrive.

Oh and we had a known schedule for breaks and for lunch. Of course we weren't going to walk out when the clock hit lunchtime if we were in the middle of something but everyone knew that about 1pm we would break for one hour for lunch. And at 11am and 3pm we would break for refreshments/smoke etc.

That way everyone knew what the rules were. From that day on the rehearsal room was open everyday 30 mins prior to the call time. The director was never late. We all had rest and felt able to go on. If someone hadn't made a stand we would have all been utterly exhausted and probably been injured during the run itself.

It's not that this is strictly to do with office politics but there is something important here and that's that although the relationship between Director and Cast can at times be fraught, and at others beautiful to behold, everyone in a company has a job to do. Just because someone has a bigger title than Actor does not mean that they can ignore the feelings and sensibilities of the cast. Nor should the cast be prepared to lay down some simple, professional, rules of conduct.

This was a Fringe production but that is not the point. Assuming that because a budget is small the process would automatically be "difficult" is wrong. I've had the utter delight of working with gifted, visionary directors on Fringe productions with minisucule budgets who never failed to show their cast utmost respect and never once allowed their professionalism to be compromised by budget restraints.

Everybody pays to be in a production. Producers pay money and stress. Cast pays in blood, sweat and tears. But when everyone treats all the others involved with respect it's amazing how much more fun it is. And how much better the final result is.

So, young actors out there, don't be scared of saying if you think something, or someone, anyone, in a position of responsibility in a Company is out of order. On the big issues obviously. Don't waste time over the small stuff. But remember it's not your job to undermine the director. It's about being professional at all times and expecting the same of all others.

Gratitude

When I graduated last summer from City Lit I set myself some goals and targets and made some promises to myself about how my acting would progress in the short term.

I said that I would, within one year, have acted in straight drama and a musical on stage, done some student films, short films and at least one feature and that I would have an agent who I respected and who understood me and where I was coming from and also how to market me.

I also said that I would have weekly acting lessons, join a yoga class, run at least 4 miles a day and get myself a decent singing tutor too. Well I've done yoga twice in the last year, run a total of 17.3 miles as of yesterday and had some fantastic lessons with Kate Hughes at the Ian Adam Singing Studio. As for the rest, well as much as I would have loved to have had weekly acting classes it's time for that old excuse of Poverty to come to the fore and claim another victim.

As for credits earned though, I've done stage musicals and straight drama, even on tour in Hungary. And I've amassed a number of film credits, student, short, and two feature films with a third and forth to follow hopefully within the next six months. And yet I feel that I'm not working hard enough, that I'm not achieving what it is I want, or need, to achieve. All this is with a great agent who I genuinely like and respect too.

I suppose the biggest issue for me in this my first year out in the world, is how to stay motivated. I had thought that I would, from 10 - 4 every day be going over audition speeches, doing voice exercises, stretching, reading plays, writing letters to casting directors and generally promoting myself but instead of those lofty ideals I find myself more often than not, wishing I was back at class with the people I grew to know well and to love and to trust. Those people who you share laughter and tears with. The same ones who lift you up and inspire you and also at times infuriate the Hell out of you and make you want to punch someone.

The support structure that you have in a class setting where you spend hours with the same people week in week out is something that I think a lot of people miss when it's not there. I know I do. Of course you get something similar to that in a rehearsal room or on set but it's not the same and let's not kid ourselves that it is. I don't think it's that everyone's out for themselves on set, in fact I know that's not the case, but it's not possible to walk onto a set and immediately forge an emotional connection as deep and as meaningful as it would be with someone who has seen you weep as you reveal how painful experiences in your life have been, how raw some things still are after years, decades even.

I suppose, as much as I love the guys I've been lucky to work with this year from those in Follies who persuaded me I could in fact sing, to those involved with the Overcoat, especially the director, who pushed me to new levels of emotional truth and to all those who've given me the chance to learn and to grow in front of a camera, especially Survivor Films for seeing in me the capacity to play a lead role and for giving me the space to truly play that role. In front of the camera. Discovering things about myself and my character. I miss those I trained with. I miss the frustration and the camaraderie. I miss the annoying little habits and I miss the annoying big ones too!

I don't want to dwell on the past however, that's not my intention here. Far from it in fact. What I wanted to do was to say a big Thank You. A heartfelt, gratitude laden, genuine Thank You to the people I trained with. All of them. Including you Patrick! Collectively you pushed me. You gave me a safe space to start to explore Me and I don't think I ever said how grateful I was until now.

So thank you one and all. Thank you all of you teachers who've confused and frustrated me and pushed me to be who I am today. Thank you to the students I shared the ride with. Thank you to the people who've cast me in productions this last year and thank you to my friends and family for their unceasing support. I am grateful to you all. More than you can ever know.